By Brenda Cannon Henley
I was thinking about this very subject this morning when I heard the “You’ve got mail” ding on my Mac computer. My daughter had sent me this compiled list of the differences between people who are successful and helpful to others and others who are not successful and seem to live to put others down without cause. She planned to use the material in a training session for her employees and volunteers.

After reading the two lists three or four times, I concluded that I couldn’t write one any better or where the ideas were more clearly stated. And, to top it all off, I had a phone call from a person that is clearly unsuccessful, very unhappy with his own life, and determined to make as many people miserable as possible. After knowing this man over a decade, I could scan down the list and name instances where he had personally displayed each of the phrases to me or someone else.

He criticizes everyone in his realm from his boss to his wife, the government, other employees, neighbors, business owners, friends, and perhaps most of all, family members. Nothing makes him happy. His sense of entitlement is overwhelming and he appears to be living for the day his parents die and leave him his “rightful” inheritance. He is a sad human being, and one to be pitied, except that he is so mean and selfish that one does not last long in his company.

Though he is reaching middle age, he has no life plan, will not work for anyone representing authority, breaks the law at will, fears change beyond belief, and blames everyone for his failures and lack of personal success. Police officers, firemen, constables, sheriff’s deputies, and the entire court system represent enemies to him because he has had so many run-ins with the various law enforcement groups. He seems to honestly believe that they are all out to get him for some perceived wrong. His criminal record speaks for itself, and he has no problems breaking the law from drinking and driving to having drugs on his person and in his vehicle.

His very being is a seething pot of anger ready to boil over at any given opportunity and he holds grudges against people that don’t even know who he is. One relationship his father had goes back 25 years and he still hates the children involved. By the way, they have grown up to be successful, happy, contributing adults. Everyone is against him, according to his views, and his victim mentality is something to behold.

He accused me of at least a half dozen things that had no grounding or truth at all and ended by telling me that I was the most ambitious person he knew. (I thought that was a compliment because I value work at any age). He also told me that I only posted on Facebook about my husband’s serious medical condition because I wanted attention. Truth is we have relatives and dear friends in several states and foreign countries who want to keep up with Ted’s health issues and it is the only way I know to reach them all at one time from a hospital room. Many of the things he said are not suitable for a family oriented newspaper.

I thank God that I learned many years ago not to stoop to someone’s level who has little home training or is perhaps mentally unbalanced. I was able to hold my peace for the most part, but I did find the following list to be very true. I believe that God wants His children to be happy and successful and to live life in harmony as much as is humanly possible. “If it be possible, as much as is in you, live peaceably with all men.” (Romans 12:18)

Successful people:
Have a sense of gratitude
Give other people credit for their victories
Read every day
Talk about new ideas
Share information and data
Exude joy
Embrace change
Keep a to-do project list
Compliment
Forgive others
Accept responsibility for their failures
Keep a journal
Want others to succeed
Set goals and develop life plans
Continuously learn
Operate from a transformational perspective

Unsuccessful people:
Criticize
Have a sense of entitlement
Take all the credit for their victories
Watch TV every day
Fear change
Fly by the seat of their pants
Talk about people
Horde information and data
Exude anger
Hold a grudge
Blame others for their failures
Think they know it all
Operate from a transactional perspective
Secretly hope others fail
Don’t know what they want to be
Never set goals

(published 8/26/2014)

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