By Brenda Cannon Henley
“I know you are worried about making these decisions, but there is no one I would trust more with these challenges than you. Think it through and do the next right thing.” This quote came to me from a dear friend this morning — and it came right on time — whether the writer knows it or not. God uses His children to help each other, give good advice, console, encourage, and remind of Scriptural truth, the will of God, and their love and concern.

As I read these words in my own home, sitting in my favorite chair, I stopped, and said quietly, “Thank you Lord for speaking to my heart in this manner.” Some skeptics perhaps are saying, “I don’t think the Lord spoke to you. It may be that you read something, thought it applied to you, and decided to believe it for yourself.” If that is true, then I like that all the better. There are times when we cannot think clearly for ourselves. This may be due to illness, financial reversal, loss of loved ones, employment situations, family problems, impairments of our own choosing, alcohol, drugs, medicines, or simply that our earthly houses are too weary to process information and make legitimate and good plans. Can you identify with any of these scenarios today?

I have found myself on uneven ground since my husband’s death. It has been rocky and mostly uphill. You see, I never really expected Ted to die. I thought we had whipped cancer, and we had, just for the record’s sake. He died with a cancer free body. The chemotherapy and radiation had done its job. It killed the cancer, but it also killed other good organs that he needed to live a normal life. I had prayed. I consider myself a good person (most of the time, anyway). I live to help others. I give. I go. I pray. And, I trust. I asked God for the most important thing in my life at the moment, and He chose to answer my prayer in a completely different manner than I expected. I should have known better, but in my weakness and fear, He stepped in and chose to take Ted home to Heaven rather than allowing him to come home with me.

If I am to be honest with you, my readers for many years, I have been a little mad at everyone. I am especially fed up with those who sweetly say, “Well, you have such a bright future. You have your faith, your family, your work, and you know so many people.” Yep, they are right, but guess what, every single one of them that I know well goes home at night to their own places of refuge, and they have a husband, a wife, a boyfriend or girlfriend, with whom to share life. My Ted is gone. I know he is in Heaven. His body is healed. I have believed and taught that for years. I will see him again, but not today or not tonight, unless the Lord comes back for me or I die unexpectedly.

Grief comes in waves. It doesn’t hit all at once. It keeps on coming after all of the family and friends go home. It slams you when you no longer get cards in the mail, when no flowers are growing, and when life goes on for everyone else. I have found that what my good, funny girlfriend, Joyce Thornborough, told me is too true. I wish it weren’t. I would have been much better prepared had I known. I would not have broken down in my local grocery store in tears because I saw something on the shelf that I should buy to cook for Ted. I would not go out to eat with my family and not swallow one bite because it simply hurt too much to be with all of them and not have my person there. I would not dread going to bed because the big king sized space is way too big for just me. I hate locking the doors at night because that was Ted’s job. I would not be anticipating the holidays with a sick knot of fear and planning to go away on a trip to a special place because I can’t face them alone.

You say, “Oh, you need help. You need to seek professional guidance. You shouldn’t be feeling like this.” I would disagree. Apparently, I should be feeling what I am feeling, and if I am indeed honest, I should share it so that others who are in this same boat with me will know it is ok to grieve your way. No one wrote the book on how to do it. Joyce said so. I may do it differently than you, but I will get through this, too. Stubbornness may be more of a virtue than I have known.

And, as my good friend, James, told me this morning. I will do the next right thing for me. I will go take a shower or a bath in my big pretty tub. I will dress and I will keep my house clean. I will cook even if it is a simple meal for one. And, I will read my Bible, pray, and try to reach out to help others. I will write the next column. I will conduct the next interview. I will pay my bills. For me, today, these are the next right things.

“Set your affection (or mind) on things above, not on the things on the earth.” (Colossians 3:2)

(published 10/14/2014)

Brenda Cannon Henley can be reached at (409) 781-8788 or at
[email protected]

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