By Brenda Cannon Henley
What are we known to offer people when it comes to including or excluding them in our life’s plan? Some folks seem to enjoy being in charge and appearing large. This subject was brought to my attention this past week by two different people. One I know well and one I only know through random conversations based on my writing over the years. Both instances need to be addressed so that relationships can be maintained and grow.

Some folks seem to love everyone they meet and have a genuine desire to include as many as possible in various social and business gatherings, plans, and fun. Others harbor and grow the “me and my four, and no more” philosophy which is hurtful and sad.

The inflection coming out of this attitude is that if you are not just like me, believe what I believe, and act like me, you cannot fit in or play on my team. “Go away, leave us alone, and move on” seems to be the rallying cry for this group.

But the sadly hurtful and heart breaking third group involved in this exclusion or inclusion game is that person that comes across as sweeter than Tupelo honey, displaying a I’m here to help attitude, and see what a really great person I am mentally. The Bible refers to these folks as hearts being filled with dead men’s bones while they exhibit a whited sepulcher look.

They pretend to welcome outsiders or newbies to the group, but in their hearts, and behind the scenes, they are working their black magic to blackball and keep them out for selfish reasons of their own. They are usually jealous, self centered, spiteful, and fearful of losing some of their supposed power or authority.

These folks intend to keep the whole pie and not share with anyone.

A case in point concerns a really good family that lost their mom. She apparently was a very nice lady with many friends, a multitude of good, charitable acts credited to her, and a genuine love of others. In other words, she shared her life, included others, and went out of her way to be of help to all she met.

Fast forward to about a year after her death and the story was shared with me that three of her four children seemed to be cut from the same cloth and continued the mom’s traditions. However, the fourth became obsessed and somewhat ridiculous about hoarding her entire family, their time, activities, meals, and especially who was approved to be included or excluded. She planned countless meals, social gatherings, holidays, even to the exact food to be eaten, but her obsession mainly focused on who could or could not attend based on her whim or mood of the moment.

The young lady relating the story to me had been hurt badly by not being invited or allowed to visit as she had in the past. It seems that this one daughter had made an obvious point to let her know when things were planned and that she was clearly not invited to participate. That is a hurtful situation and one that needs to be rectified.

Exclusion hurts. God is truly a God of inclusion. He invites all who will to come. He is not a respecter of persons.

Think with me, have we in any way, been guilty of excluding others, without valid reasons? Are we fearful of losing power or authority we feel we have? Can we not share?

I love kind people.

None of us have the right to say who is in or who is out. Exclusion hurts and is seldom, if ever, considered kind.

Who knows? The very person we are jealous enough to exclude might have become our ride or die, our strongest ally, or our best friend. Better let God make the decisions and remember to always be kind.

Brenda Cannon Henley can be reached at 409 781 8788, or
[email protected]

[July-13-2021]