By Brenda Cannon Henley
In a previous column, I wrote about the free range children I was encountering in my line of work and in my church ministry. It is amazing to me that parents can and will let younger teens virtually be on their own in this busy world of ours. I never want to judge another’s parenting style, and what works for one family may not work for another, but I fear the costs will be too high for this trend to continue unchecked. A young person simply has not lived long enough to accumulate enough serious life skills, experience that teaches, and good judgment to make some of the critical decisions they are making. Not only will their lives be damaged, they will bring heartache to those that love them dearly.

How did this trend begin and when did we as parents and grandparents turn over the reigns of life to kids barely turned teenagers? I realize my three kids would likely tell you that my husband and I were too strict on them, and maybe we were, but we certainly knew where they were, who they were with (for the most part) and when they would be coming back to our home. When both parents work outside the home, travel in their profession or job, and strive to make enough money to pay the bills, provide a home, transportation, education, and food, it gets dicey at times and super tiring at other times.

In research, I found that many credit pediatrician Benjamin Spock with the concept of rearing children in the spirit of encouraging them to function independently and with little parental supervision. He takes into consideration the age of development and a reasonable acceptance of realistic personal risks. The boundaries were certainly stretched and broadened for the children to be less hovered over and set free to do their own thing.

Free range parenting is the opposite of “helicopter parenting,” where the parent hovers or sees almost everything the child or children do. A book that became very popular during this time was American journalist Lenore Skenazy’s book, Free Range Kids: Giving our Children the Freedom We Had without Going Nuts with Worry (2009). In this book, Skenazy wrote about the problems of over parenting and over protection of kids. She advocated allowing kids to have appropriate levels of freedom and responsibility for their age while still keeping them relatively safe. Her website, as of April 2008, describes what she sees as the horrors of mainstream schooling, parenting, and organized activities, and highlighted the unnecessary protection from risk that limits children’s opportunity to mature properly into independent adults. She added that much unnecessary training, such as the use of flash cards for preschoolers, limited their opportunities for personal growth and self-expression.

Spock’s book, one of the most popular ever about parenting, The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care, released in 1946, soon became a best seller and encouraged free range parenting with the hopes of implementing Freudian philosophy into childrearing.

As our communities grew and with the advent of easy access to drugs, alcohol, and other harmful temptations, these children, often known as the “latch key society,” were left without supervision from either parent or responsible adult, fell into more harm. One dear friend mentioned to me that we have always had renegades or those who differed from society, but that we just did not become aware of these boys and girls quite as much as we do now with modern technology. They are correct to a point.

Every parent individually and together as a couple must decide what is right for their child or children and their family. How much supervision is needed and who will provide it? Finding good childcare is a task and one that is costly. Our children are our greatest assets and we cannot allow them to be free range to the point they are damaged, hurt, and often killed before they have a chance to make their mark in this world. I love that any child has the avenues to explore, to grow, to reach, to strive, and to become the adult he or she should be, but they must also have guidance, love, example, and teaching.

Proper parenting is a very serious responsibility and great care must be given to it on a daily basis. These children are not chickens.

“Children are a heritage of the Lord…” Psalm 127:3
[7-24-2017]

Brenda Cannon Henley can be reached at (409) 781-8788, or
[email protected].