By Brenda Cannon Henley
We are approaching the time of the year when many think about the heart as they decide what to buy for appropriate Valentine Day gifts and cards. February is an exciting month for some, while it is a dreaded milestone for others. Some women and some men worry entirely too much about getting the exact perfect gift, while others do not seem to care enough about what to give to their person. I will admit that while my husband was living, I loved Valentine Day and looked forward to the time I would get to open my gift and view my card.

Ted was great at picking out the perfect card and he often hid my gifts (for every occasion) making me follow sometimes silly clues to chase them down. It added excitement to every holiday and I will always remember his effort to make me feel special. I once received a beautiful diamond ring hidden in a dog biscuit box. I was trying valiently not to be disappointed when I unwrapped my gift and discovered my dog’s favorite treats and I did think that it was nice of Ted to care about Anchor, too. But my heart fell just a little when I looked under the tree and saw that there were no other gifts there. One of my daughters noted my distress and said quite happily, “Mom, that box looks like it has been opened to me. You might want to check on that before you give any of those treats to Anchor.”

Sure enough I looked around the top edge and it appeared to have been cut and resealed with tape. I took a kitchen knife and opened the top and my daughter put down a towel and poured out the biscuts. At the very bottom of the box was a lovely diamond ring that I wear to this day with great pride.

Watching young ladies, and some young men, that I love very much, I have decided that the reason their hearts are broken on these happy occasions is that they project too much into them. They either believe they will get something, when nothing has been indicated, or they believe they will get whatever it is that they want most. These sweet people are sometimes simply operating on different planes than the giver who has no idea of the importance placed on the gift giving. In other words, what I am suggesting is that we’ll only be hurt if we project too much or throw ourselves into relationships too quickly or without wisdom.

Come to think of it, this does not happen just to young people. I see the same thing in middle age and older folks, too. Perhaps disappointment hurts even more the older we become. Just because one person feels strongly about a matter or a person doesn’t mean the other person feels the same. Maybe the one they’ve set their sites on has been badly hurt. Perhaps he or she knows that the time is not right for them. There could be health issues to consider. Distance might play a role and other responsibilities often preclude another romance or involvement. It doesn’t mean you or they are bad people. It just means the relationship cannot happen at this certain time.

We must be very careful not to allow our own insecurities or needs to put us in a position of demanding more than someone can give. It is a harsh cliche, but “If it is meant to be, it will be.” God knows best in all of our lives. He knows when to send others to us and when to take them away. It is difficult, but it is a fact of life. We hurt ourselves and others by trying to read minds, envision dreams, and pretend that all is well when in realty, the relationship may not be what we think it is at all. We must communicate and allow time to do its work.

There are no perfect relationships at any age. If you say you are in one, I highly doubt that statement. You may love your partner and your partner may love you, but there will be differences and days when you are somewhat angry and really need to be alone. Smothering another human being is one of the fastest ways to send them packing that I know.

I read a quote the other day that said, “There are no perfect people and no perfect relationships.” What we seek is to love someone we know is not perfect and love their imperfectness from our imperfectness. We are looking for imperfect people who balance us out – a perfectly imperfect person for us. May God help us all to enjoy February and not put any undue expectations on anyone else. Happy Valentine Day.

Brenda Cannon Henley can be reached at (409) 781-8788, or
[email protected]

[1-22-2018]