By Brenda Cannon Henley
On Christmas break when I was in the fourth grade of school, my parents decided to have an eye surgery performed on my left eye because it had always been a “drifting” or “lazy” eye. It was never “crossed” as some eyes are, but simply caused almost everyone I met to think I was looking over their shoulder, out the window, or through a doorway to see someone else or something else. It never bothered me as much as it did others, but having a family photo made was an exercise in patience. The photographer would say, “Look at the camera.” “Please look at the camera.”

I would explain that I was looking at it the best I could and that if he wanted me to focus my left eye, he would have to allow me to cover my right eye. I might add here in all fairness that this left eye gave me many advantages over the years. I could sit my children to my left in church and watch their every move. I could also see students I was teaching no matter where they chose to sit and they often wondered how I could do this. Even today, this eye gives me various advantages over certain groups or people in a room. If a conversation is being engaged in by several and one attempts to make unusual or unfavorable gestures, such a rolling the eyes, shaking their head yes or no, or simply looking pained, I can often see that without them knowing it. Several friends have told me I would make an excellent poker player because I can see the entire table without moving my head.

I have been looking at the world through this crooked left eye all my life and therefore, I seldom think of the difference. Others do. While thinking about this eye this morning, I thought this is very much like very hurt people see the world. They look at it, and the people in it, from their own crooked and warped position. What may very well be a positive gesture, word, or idea, to them, is dangerous, threatening, hurtful, and even spiteful. It is so very sad to see this kind of emotion and energy played out in circumstances involving others. Their own twisted and emotional pain causes them to always suspect wrong motives or evil intent when none was intended.

Viewing the world with this perspective causes great pain to those that would love and help them. Once someone has developed a “victim mentality,” it is difficult to change that spirit and to offer help and guidance. They tend to go through life citing racism, harm, unjust treatment, or unfairness being directed at them. There may be no truth to their claims, but they act as though the entire world is against them. One of the direct results of this kind of thinking is the fact that relationships are hard to come by and harder to keep. Their suspicious nature questions even the good and positive acts and makes everyone around miserable. Friendships erode and even love turns colder over the years.

One of the most interesting things I have learned during this study is that hurt people often stop emotional development at or about the age they feel they were harmed. Some of the grown men and women I have heard about and met are walking around as adult men and women, but with the emotional development of a child or teen. It is sad to watch someone self-destruct when it does not have to be that way. These folks cannot contribute to their fullest potential or enjoy life or families because they are battling depression and frustration because of their belief that they are victims in every circumstance. One never really knows what simple word or phrase, place, smell, food, book, or music will act as the trigger for a strong outburst and often hurt, pain, and horrible misunderstandings.

There is a good side to this study and we will look at that in the next column. Thank you to each of our readers who have taken the time to share their own personal story of wounded people. Some found solutions, others are working at that goal, and some are simply very perplexed at the life they find themselves living today. I welcome your comments and perhaps, together, we can help someone to break free of this difficult way of living.
[10-13-2015]

Brenda Cannon Henley can be reached at (409) 781-8788, at
[email protected], or by using the contact form below.

Contact Brenda Cannon Henley:
[contact-form-7 404 "Not Found"]