“The attitude that we have as a parent is what our children will learn from, more than what we tell them. They don’t remember so much what we try to teach them. They remember what we are.” — Jim Henson

By Brenda Cannon Henley
This particular quote was called to my memory as I sat and listened to a grown man berate a young man for quite some time. In this conversation that I witnessed, I did not one time hear a positive suggestion, a note of pride, or a thank you for the good things the young man had done. All I heard was negative, loud, unkind, and somewhat untrue and certainly biased accusations. And, it broke my heart. I so wanted to jump in and give the dunce a piece of my mind, but alas, I knew it would only make matters worse.

Since I was not in a position to become overly involved, I found myself praying for the young man and for the older, obviously very unhappy older man. I wondered just what the young man would take from this conversation into his adult life. I also wondered if he would follow the same parenting style when he had children of his own. I prayed than and am praying now that he will not. I am trusting God that He will speak to this young man’s heart, and once he finds the right mate, that he will set out to motivate, guide, and teach his children in a much more positive manner.

As parents, do we get so busy that we just don’t think? Has paying the bills, keeping up with the mortgage, buying and cooking groceries, providing transportation, taking part in sports and club activities, fretting over school, and satisfying our own ambitions and wants become more important that rearing well-rounded sons and daughters? Do we even understand that our kids, no matter their ages, absorb (literally) not only what we say, but also how we act, how we treat others, our unkindness, jealousy, and mean-spirited actions toward others? And, my goodness, if the next generation speaks like some of the parental generation does, I fear for all of us.

I am thankful that these boys and girls, who, by the way, truly are our future, also learn from the things we, as parents, do right. They also learn from grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, youth workers, and neighbors. I would encourage parents and others who influence any child to make 2014 the year that we start modeling better behavior for the children in our lives, not only by our words, but also by our actions. Let’s give them positive, sound, uplifting role models in life.

We can start small and work up to other areas of our own lives. What did we say to a child (or an adult for that matter) today? Think about it. Were our words kind, helpful, true, uplifting, and positive? Even in necessary instruction or teaching, we can be kind. What kind of behavior did we model today for our children? They are watching us and learning something — good or bad — helpful or hurtful — every single day.

Here are some phrases that would be great to say to our children in coming days, and believe me, when I say they will know if we mean it or not. “You truly mean so much to me – everyday – I thank God for you.” “You always make my day.” “You are my sunshine.” “God loves you and so do I.” “You do such nice work – I am very proud of you.” “I am so blessed to have you in my life.” “You always have such great ideas.” “I love how you seldom give up – Keep on trying.” “I am glad God made you mine.”

While we are learning to say these words (and others) to those around us, let’s remember Jim Henson’s quote — children learn most from who we are.

Come to think of it, I wouldn’t mind hearing some of these phrases in my own life, and I am far from a child. Everyone we meet needs encouragement. My old pastor often said, “Learn to be kind to everyone for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.”

Brenda Cannon Henley can be reached at (409) 781-8788
or at [email protected].

Contact Brenda Cannon Henley:
[contact-form-7 404 "Not Found"]