By Brenda Cannon Henley
The title of this column made up of only five little words can change the day for someone or more than one someone. I have found myself so weary and exhausted, and perhaps a bit on the depressed side, from time to time, that an offer of help even from a stranger would have been a refreshing change. It might have been while working in my two acre yard, cutting grass, weed eating (I hate that machine because it is taller than me), buying gas for the mower, and trying to make it run when it hates me so often, that a quick visit by a neighbor teen, has saved the day, my yard, and my sanity. Or, it might have had to do with decisions about things for which I had little training. It may have seemed insignificant to some, but at the time, the offer of help was the rope of hope I needed.

I thank God, too, for those people, young and old, who are willing to slow down from their busy worlds and offer to help. I now have a wonderful young teen girl that has taken it as her responsibility to keep my grass cut, weeds trimmed, things picked up, and taken away neatly. I, in turn, pay her a small amount for her to use on her own needs, school clothes, going out to eat, whatever she desires. It is a win-win situation for both of us.

The thing I find sad about the same little five words is that when we see someone needing help so badly in one area or another, and we approach the situation as gently as we know how, they still refuse. My old pastor, Marshall Yancey of Loganville, GA, taught me a valuable truth. “You can only help someone, Brenda, when they need and want that help.” I have learned he is so right.

I have tried to reach out to people who are caught up in addictions and their lives are spiraling downward at a rapid pace. Children are going to be lost, homes broken, lives shattered, good jobs tossed down the drain with seldom a thought, and so many things of value simply gone. We can see it, but the person at the center cannot. One of the first things you learn in counseling is that the addict must want help or be willing to seek help.

The addictions do not have to be alcohol or drugs. There are many more that affect good people that we love. Often these other cravings and addictions go hand in hand with the alcohol and drugs and involve broken vows and broken promises and it is often the innocent that suffer most. “Let me help you, please,” simply falls on deaf ears until that person is ready. We can befriend them, listen to them, and attempt to help family members, but we must not become enablers or provide money that would hurt them more.

There are much smaller areas of our lives that we need help in from time to time, and perhaps those are more accessible and approachable. I found myself at least daily wanting to say to folks on social media, “Don’t put your dirty laundry out there for all to see. Handle those matters at home or with the person involved.” I would never want the world to know that my husband or fiancée that I bragged about last week is cheating on me this week. I would never want to name names and leave that baggage for my children (or theirs) to face at school and in the neighborhood. Pray about it, work on it, confide in a pastor, counselor, or close friend, but not social media. Let me help you, please, with this if you are guilty.

If we are going to strike a domineering attitude or pose about a matter, we best be certain our facts are correct, and for goodness sake, try to spell the words correctly. My kids call me “the Grammar Nazi,” but it does aggravate me that a big, bustling kid can’t spell for the life of him and cannot read at a third grade level. And, it is even worse when it is an adult that either doesn’t know better or doesn’t care to learn better. I have a list of words I’ve sent to all three of my kids to fact check their spelling words. Let me help you, please. Here are two more to add to your lists: Residence – “A house people live in…” Resident – “A person that lives in that home…”

Let’s be willing to help when and where we can.
[10-4-2016]

Brenda Cannon Henley can be reached at (409) 781-8788, or
[email protected].