By Brenda Cannon Henley
I read a quote this week that has stuck in my mind more than many do.
“In a Chinese family the mother pulls very tightly on the bond to a point where the daughter asks, “Why can’t I know about such and such?” and the mother answers, “Because I haven’t put it into your mind yet.” – Amy Tan

My mother has been dead since Aug. 26, 2008, just a few short days before Hurricane Ike hit our area and ravaged the Bolivar Peninsula that my husband and I called home for seven blissful years. In fact, for those of you who know me well, you may remember that we were in the Atlanta area burying Mother and taking care of business when we first heard about Ike’s size, magnitude, and probable direction. Ted and I drove as far as Gulf Shore, Ala., and waited out the storm in a lovely little new hotel suite. We sat glued to the television (as did so many others) and listened for phones to ring with word from friends that remained in the area. We soon realized that we had very little to hope for in our return as far as housing and vehicles, lawn equipment, tools, and fishing gear that had been left behind. To further complicate our plight, we had not evacuated in the truest sense of the word. We had left from the hospital in Beaumont and had no thought of gathering our normal paper work and important documents.

As all teens can remember, or perhaps are facing as you read this column, sometimes moms and kids just don’t see eye to eye and certainly our values and our attitudes are different. I can remember times when my mom embarrassed me to no end. She seemed to delight in that virtue. She was funny and often made people around her laugh out loud. I remember one morning in my son’s church service when the congregation was quite large and the auditorium packed. The ushers had to bring out folding chairs to accommodate the crowd that was still pouring in for the morning service. Mother and I were sitting near the front when I felt her fairly strong elbow poke me hard in the left rib cage.

I tried to ignore her constant whispers and the continued poking, but finally realized I was going to have to respond. She said in a stage whisper that folks three rows from us could hear quite well, “That blonde woman’s chewing gum on the first row in the choir is going to Heaven.” I thought, “What in the world does she mean?” I shrugged and that was enough to incite her to continue. I said, “Mother, please, let’s pay attention. We don’t want to cause a scene and embarrass Brent, my son and the pastor. She said, “Well, she has certainly chewed the hell out of it all morning.” Despite my best attempts, I laughed and I could not stop laughing. Every time I looked up, I saw the woman chewing the gum and the happier and more involved she became in the service, the bigger the chomps. I finally excused myself and went to the ladies’ room to keep from becoming a distraction.

That is only one of dozens of things she did over the years, and I really do wish I had written down all of her sayings, quotes, and advice. The content would make a hugely popular book, although perhaps an x-rated one.

This week, I have to apologize in somewhat of a manner to my mom. Had it not been for advice she gave me all of my life, I might have truly embarrassed myself and caused undue trouble for others. One thing Mother taught me and taught me well is that we behave ourselves in social situations no matter what. She was particularly, as funny as she was, adamant that at funerals and weddings, we put our best foot forward and keep our mouths shut if we could not be positive. She always explained, “This time is not about you. It is about them.”

An occasion arose centered around Father’s Day that was rude, distasteful, arrogant, and very hateful, but I was able to remember her sayings, and keep my tongue. I thought to myself, “Mother said it is not about us.” In this case, it was about honoring a father and I determined to be the bigger person, but you can rest assured that because I am my mother’s daughter and because she trained me well, I will take care of this matter in due time. In fact, the time between the actual rude behavior and when I settle the matter will hopefully give me time to think, pray, and plan a proper response.

So, Mother, I belatedly thank you today for teaching me how to behave, giving all of your children proper home training in many areas, and for giving me the spark and strength to not let arrogant folks run over me or those I love. I may have not understood you when we were together, but let’s just say, I remember your teachings and they are implanted deep within my heart. In fact, so deeply, that sometimes when I open my mouth, you literally come out — Or, so my children say.

(Note – Please join me in prayer this week for my sweet friend, Melvin Elkins, who lost his sweet wife Faye this last week. Faye was buried on Wednesday, June 17, in Beaumont.)

(This article published 6/22/2015)

Brenda Cannon Henley can be reached at (409) 781-8788, at
[email protected], or by using the contact form below.

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