By Brenda Cannon Henley
I read this week, “If you never heal from what hurt you, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you.” Think about the words. Seems simple at first, but actually very deep. In fact, so deeply embedded in our beings that we might tend to completely skip over the meaning and rationalize that they could not be applicable to us. “They are talking about someone else.” Or, “They’re not talking about what happened to me.”

Truthfully, each of us carry hangups, memories, hurts, unresolved conflicts, scars, needs, and burdens created in past relationships and by people with whom we are no longer in contact. The faces may not be before us every day, the calls and visits ended, and we honestly do not entertain thoughts of being reunited, BUT what happened to us is there in big, bold print.

The wounds we think they inflicted, the hurt, the pain, the left over anger, the terrible aggression, all can boil up faster than the stew in a witch’s cauldron at the mention of a name, a place, a date, or a song. A kind of car or truck, a perfume or after shave scent, a favorite food, a gift, a color, a home address, or 101 other things can be the spark that starts the fire.

How do I know this with such veracity? Because I have been there, done that, and got the tee-shirt. In fact, I may or may not have a variety of them.

This weekend, I had a front row seat to seeing this truth play out before my very eyes. A woman had met a man. After a full month of lengthy telephone conversations, they planned to meet. The fun day was scripted for a beautiful outdoor amusement park. Nothing heavy, just fun, big crowds, lots of animals, flowers, rides, good food, and bright sunshine.

The day went off without a hitch. The almost too good to be true gentleman arrived and quickly won the heart of the woman’s mother and friends. He liked what he saw and the day was soon history. Things were off to a grand start and both shared plans for future adventures and getting to know each other better.

Fast forward 24 hours. Smiles turned to pouts and tears on the girl’s face. Church related duties were fulfilled, but with heavy steps. Dr. Love had not called when he said he would. She was worried on so many levels. He was dead or hurt badly. Criminals had attacked him. He had suffered a massive coronary and was laying helpless in a field by the road. Or, he had thought it over and decided he really did not want a relationship or she just wasn’t the one for him.

Common sense and reason went out the window. Any number of sound suggestions were made. Lost phone, vehicle issues, job emergency, family health matters, fell asleep were all met with a resounding no.

Do you know what was happening? The young lady was projecting a major issue to her from a former relationship where there was a lack of truthfulness, deceptive behavior, and many excuses. Dr. Love was innocent. He had gone to buy groceries and inadvertently left his phone on top of his toolbox, drove off, and headed for home to put away his food. The phone was found in the parking lot, thankfully turned in, and retrieved when the store opened early Monday morning.

Use this true story to help stop killing good relationships around us by transferring aggression to others. Hurt feelings are inevitable in relationships, and are bound to arise in a fast-paced world of imperfect communication between people. Correct what can be made right and move on to what God has for you and don’t constantly be tripped up, bogged down, and held prisoner to past hurts – Literal or perceived. Don’t bleed on folks that didn’t cut you.

Brenda Cannon Henley can be reached at 409 781 8788, or
[email protected]

[Jan-27-2020]